Well, hello there…

I took a leap today. I know it may not seem like a big deal to many folks but for me? For me it really is huge. I’ve been writing on and off my entire life. I’m almost positive there isn’t a single milestone that isn’t somehow documented…stained on paper for a yet to be determined amount of time. The thing is, no one really knows that but me. It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve began to share my words with anyone and only days since I shared them with my husband.  I was told long ago that this was one of the giftings God had given me but I did have my doubts.

Why would anyone care about the things I had to say?  What was it about me that I’d have the audacity to think I (or at least my words) was important enough for others to hear? I could clearly hear the doubts as they would play across my mind, whispering how unworthy I really was. Even with the doubts, I continued to write, keeping the fruits for myself and never dreaming there would come a day I’d be here, at this laptop, creating a place for the world (or at least the 2 or 3 of you who may read this) to hear my private thoughts and to bear witness to a secret treasure. Yet here we are.

I finally realized, after sharing my most recent writings with my husband, the only person whose approval was needed in the things I wrote was my own. Don’t get me wrong. My husband had a HUGE role in me traveling down this public road. He was so proud of me and so blown away by what I showed him, he proceeded to make me read it out loud to everyone we came into contact with. When I made a joke about how proud he was of me, he was quick to tell me he had no idea what it meant when “I was writing” because I had never shown him anything before. That was my moment. That was the push, the support I needed to not only believe in him, his love for and his support of me but to also believe in myself. That was the key.

I can’t promise, that if you stick with me on this journey I’m about to take, you’ll find wisdom, clarity or advice that is sensible to take. I can, however, promise that each word will ring with truth. I will, with each post, be real with whoever I connect with in a way people seem to have forgotten.

I’ll talk about Jesus but I’m not SO holy and SO saved that I will neglect to tell you about how I screwed up the day and probably left him shaking his head. I’ll talk about my husband and how much in love with him I am but I will be sure and also tell you about how hard our marriage is, how we fail each other and how some days we’re pretty lucky if someone hasn’t been beaten in the head with my cast iron skillet (we aren’t violent…but we are honest about how much we don’t like each other sometimes). I’ll probably tell you about my kids and how proud I am of them, their accomplishments and the people they have become but believe me, in the same breath, I’m also gonna explain how I thought about selling them for five hot minutes at least once a week.

Here, you’re probably going to find a word or two misspelled (I’ve been using spell check as I’ve been writing this). You’re going to see run on sentences, sentence fragments and improper punctuation. I’m going to use words like “ya’ll” and “ain’t” and there will most likely be a few you’ve never even heard of. Here’s what I need you to know about that: It is’t that I don’t care about those things. I sometimes just get so lost in the flow of the words themselves that I don’t see the mistakes (even when I proofread) until it’s too late.

The point of all this, opening myself up and taking down the walls, is pretty straight forward. I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and think you are failing. I’ve been in the dark corner, alone, flinching from everyone that comes near because the one person who was supposed to protect you was the one terrorizing you. I’ve cried myself to sleep at night too because the choices I made led me to a place so low I thought I would never be able to escape from it. I’ve said the most improper thing at the absolute worst times, have gotten past the humiliation of it and now laugh at the moments so hard I sometimes cry.  At some point, I’m gonna tell you about every single bit of it.

You may hear from me once or twice a week for now, sometimes more, sometimes less. I’ve got to catch the hang of this and get a feel for it before I know how well it’s going to work out. For the time being though, I hope I get to spend a little time with you and tell you about some of the things in my life and in the lives of those around me. Who knows, we just might find that strangers really can make the best of friends.

See you soon!