For 10 years, this guy has stood beside me in so many different ways. At times, I didn’t know or trust if his intentions or heart had changed, sometimes because of him, sometimes because of me. Always though, he was there. In the dark and in the light, in the good and in the bad, he remained constant no matter the circumstances between us. No matter how hard I pushed (and sometimes that was really hard) he stayed beside me and tried.
Until the past couple weeks, I had no idea how important his presence would be nor how much his consistency would be needed. It’s been a rough 14 days, to say the least but without really trying or even knowing he has, he’s made the hard become bearable and the bearable become easy. He’s made it easier to face the things I want to turn away from. I’m realizing he always has, even during the times we weren’t oh so happy.
Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be though? A partnership, a dance, comprised of sometimes intricate steps between two people trying to find their footing and stay in rhythm? When I can’t find my way and seem to struggle with what life hands me, I should allow him to lead and find the beat and help me stand firm as I follow his steps. When the world closes in on him and tells him he isn’t doing enough or that he will never be worthy enough, I step forward and take his hand to show him how graceful his movements are and how capable he is. Leading. Following. Alternating the shared strength we both bring to this marriage.
One of my absolute favorite things about him is how he makes me laugh in a way no one else can. I don’t mean in the little giggles we let out when jokes are made. I mean he really makes me open my mouth and laugh from the deep place that needs to experience humor in order to make it through the seriousness of life. We’ve been told on more than one occasion that we should have our own comedy show because of the way we interact with each other. I love to tell people that yes, he is hilarious…unless you’re married to him and have to live with it everyday because then you become part of the material he uses. I am a big part of the material he uses. I like to put up a good (fake) argument about him making fun of me from time to time but I’m positive he doesn’t believe me mostly because through the faux anger he can see the twinkle in my eye.
These past few weeks, that laughter has been a gift from God. Through frustrated tears and yells of anger, he has been everything I could need. His patience with me has had no limit (that he’s let show anyway). His strength has been more than I could have asked for. He’s listened and given feedback in matters where my level head was no where to be found. He has encouraged me to stay true to myself and who and what I believe God has called me to be and do. And oh, how we have laughed. In the middle of chaos, he somehow against all odds, has made me laugh hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. He has been able to bring joy to the forefront of my mind when my flesh wanted misery. He has been used by God to remind me that feelings are temporary and easily changed.
From Dr. Peppers to actual gifts, he surprises me, making the laughter subside and make way for overwhelming thankfulness.
Friday when I got home from work, there was a box on the porch waiting for me. When I let him know it was there, he told me to open it. Now, before I go any farther, I need it to be said, I have never been much of a “flowers and teddy bears” kind of girl. Don’t get me wrong, flowers every now and then make any woman feel appreciated but I like the useful things. Unpopular opinion but I think appliances and electronics should be acceptable gifts for women to get on special occasions. One of my favorite anniversaries, he gave me a Ninja Kitchen System (against the advice of everyone around him).
There were the most beautiful purple Ombre roses in the box once I got it opened and the scent was unbelievable. I had covid around Christmas and my smell still hasn’t really gotten back to normal but I could absolutely smell these. As I ran my hands over them, the silky feel I always know the touch of rose petals will bring did not disappoint. They were breathtaking. As I investigated further, trying to figure out where he got them from, I saw that THEY WERE SOAP.
WHAT?!?
Yep. My sweet guy who knows that flowers are not the most important thing to me on a day when EVERYONE expects them bought me roses made out of soap. I know that may not be a big deal to most people but they are unique and unusual, something I hadn’t seen before, at least not like this and gifts that go against the grain are my favorites. Surprise number 2 was a secret drawer on the bottom of the box holding some of my favorite chocolates (chocolate will always be in my top 5 gift list lol). The absolute best part of the whole gift though and the thing that made it one of my favorite surprises ever was the message inside.
“To The Best of Me: There will never never be enough time for me to love you enough”. Y’all, I could never ask for more than that. I could never hope for more than that. The best gift I could ever receive is the gift of being loved the way God intended and that’s exactly what he has given me.
The road leading here hasn’t been easy. Many moments, one or both of us have wanted to walk away. There were days when we wondered if the struggle of making it work was worth the actual struggle.
But, then there’s this message. There’s today. This moment. As I sit here writing about what an incredible man I have by my side and how blessed I feel to walk through life with him, he sits beside me with no idea that while I may be used as material for his comedy, he is being “used as material” for my blog. He has no idea how thankful I am for him-a dream I didn’t even know I had until he walked into my life and demanded that I marry him.
After just these ten years, I finally know how true his words are. There will never be enough time to love enough, the way he deserves.
Over these next few months and beyond, I will be thankful for him the most.
Ramblings Of A Southern Girl 
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