Ready Or Not, Here It comes (Part1)

As of today, I am 7 weeks, 5 days post op. It’s been a long 7 weeks ya’ll.

At the beginning of the year, I thought I had tons of time before having surgery but between packing, the move, trying to get all the family visits in and a chaotic work schedule, time turned out to be no friend of mine and surgery day came quickly.

Maybe that’s part of the reason these last 7 weeks have seemed like they’ve lasted 7 years instead.

There are so many things I want to tell you about that’s happened since surgery and I know it won’t all be able to be told in one sitting (hence “part 1”). From healing to figuring out who the most steadfast people in my life are to relearning limitations and gaining new appreciation for abilities I once took for granted, this has been an incredible roller coaster experience.

First, I want to brag on my husband. I have sung his praises from the mountain tops several times lately but trust me when I say, he deserves so much more.

I had been told that the support around me would be one of the most important parts of my recovery and I didn’t hesitate believing the truth of that. I have always said that the most important part of patient care is the love and support of family and friends (something that a lot of patients have had to do without this past year and a half). Chuck, hands down, played the biggest role and had the most impact on how well I’ve done and how amazing I’m still doing today. It was said to me that going through something this traumatic can show the quality of your spouse and I have to agree. In patience, tenderness, faithfulness and with a servant’s heart, he has been more than I could have ever asked for. The Lord has absolutely allowed me to see and learn things about him the last few months that have allowed my love to grow and given me a new and deeper appreciation for who he is.

I’ve learned things about myself through all of this too. Mostly, I’ve learned that I am both simultaneously stronger and weaker than I could have ever known. Having a bilateral mastectomy is nothing like I thought it would be. I read, researched, planned discussed, prayed…I soaked up all the information I could and had so many conversations with my body, speaking life into what would be, to get my mind and my heart ready for what was to come.

Only to find out how utterly unprepared my preparedness was.

In all the things I read, no one talked about how miserable the drains would be. No one described the irritation and anger at the uncomfortableness of the surgical bra and compression. Not once was it mentioned that frustration would be a frequent friend because insomnia and the inability to move would be constant states. The fact that tears would come frequently, not because of pain but because of that frustration was never said. I didn’t read or hear the words laying out what it would be like to depend on another to sponge bathe me, half wash my hair, wipe me when using the bathroom or pull my underwear up because that one small task was a mountain I couldn’t climb.

Those were the things I needed to know though. Those were some of the things I wish someone would have said so that I could have been prepared for the emotional side of it.

That’s why over the next few weeks I’m going to take the time to talk about them here. From the easiest parts to the lowest moments, I want to give opportunity for someone else to see that it’s ok for it to be hard as hell and a blessing in disguise all at the same time.

For a little while, I want to invite you in and let you see what I wish someone had shown me.

So, at least for a short time, I hope you walk this journey with me through these posts and that I’m able to give comfort or insight to you or someone you know by being real in the broken and ugly moments of this beautiful experience.

We’ll talk again soon! -Amy